5 Indicators You’re a ‘Serial Monogamist,’ In accordance with Relationship Therapists

As easy and even empowering as being single can look from the surface, loads of others wrestle to embrace it in any respect. Preferring to be partnered up is deeply human. However what’s totally different is slipping into a continuing loop of back-to-back relationships or situationships just because being alone (or not having somebody to speak to or flirt with) feels insupportable.

That is often what individuals imply after they speak about a “serial monogamist” or “serial dater.” Whereas there’s no “proper” quantity of days, weeks, or months you’re supposed to attend to start out relationship once more after a breakup, giving your self even slightly room to course of issues by yourself is vital, Valeriya Bauer, MA, LMFT, a Los Angeles-based psychotherapist, tells SELF. That distraction-free house helps you tune into your desires and wishes, rebuild a way of independence, and truly replicate on what went improper in your previous relationships so that you’re not carrying outdated baggage into the following. With out that pause, nevertheless, Bauer says it’s simple to fall into unhealthy patterns or rapidly select companions for the improper causes.

Understandably, “serial monogamist” isn’t a label most individuals are keen to say—which is why, as Bauer factors out, “some individuals who favor to be in relationships continuous could also be hesitant to name themselves this as a result of its gravity.” However being sincere with your self—and why you’re feeling so compelled to continually swipe, textual content, or chase—might be step one towards breaking the cycle and studying the right way to be fulfilled by yourself.

Listed here are the largest purple flags that you simply may be a “serial monogamist,” in line with three relationship therapists.

1. You date to distract your self.

With serial relationship, assembly new individuals turns into much less about discovering The One and even simply having enjoyable. As a substitute, it turns into an unhealthy escape, Bauer says—whether or not you’re avoiding post-breakup grief, work stress, or friendship drama. If each irritating second sends you again to the apps, and even to a “failed speaking stage,” you’re probably utilizing romance as a buffer, not a real alternative.

2. You rush in—then get bored simply as quick.

At first, you’re keen on the joy of somebody new—the butterflies, the strain, the fun of getting a cute stranger’s whole character. However as quickly as that early rush wears off, or issues begin getting critical, regular, and predictable, a serial dater usually loses curiosity.

“They have a tendency to maneuver quick as a result of it provides them that prime,” Jennifer Teplin, LCSW, founder and scientific director of Manhattan Wellness, tells SELF. The depth of the preliminary phases can really feel new, enjoyable, and distracting—particularly in comparison with the vulnerability and often-gritty emotional work required in an actual relationship. So it’s widespread for serial monogamists to “are available scorching,” Teplin says, virtually in a love-bomby means. “They could even be slightly intense,” speeding right into a connection or making issues “unique” as a result of they’re keen to not be alone for too lengthy. However as a result of they’re after that early buzz, the spark tends to fizzle shortly (and the cycle of serial relationship begins yet again).

3. You’ve by no means had a second with out texting, chasing, or relationship somebody.

Not having anybody to message, flirt with, or sleep subsequent to isn’t simply lonely for a serial monogamist—it virtually feels insufferable. The quiet moments that most individuals can tolerate turn into abnormally anxiety-provoking or stressed, to the purpose the place discovering any particular person to fill that void turns into a high precedence.