It was a Saturday evening, and there I used to be outdoors a random constructing in Hackney, second-guessing the selection to put on underwear underneath my lacy bodysuit. Sensible? Probably not, however the crotchless slit left me feeling intimidated. My lilac bag, normally residence to my laptop computer, now bulged with a strap-on, condoms, lube, water, and non-alcoholic drinks. Reddit had helped solely barely; sure, I’d overpacked.
I approached the door, questioning the way to announce myself. “I’m right here for the intercourse get together?” sounded awkward. Earlier than I may determine, they requested for my title. Panic hit after they frowned at their record — was my first sober intercourse get together about to be a no-go?
“I must be on there. Lola invited me,” I mentioned, naming the founding father of Lucid Sober Occasions. That did it, they’d heard of me, the journalist who’d written about intercourse toys sufficient to earn an invitation from JOYclub themselves.
A fast warning adopted: one of many two performances concerned self-stapling (utilizing a stapler to connect gadgets to the physique), in case that was a problem. Then I used to be in. Huge breath, a tug on my fishnets, and identical to that, I stepped into my first intercourse get together… fully sober.
Sober intercourse events — why?
I’d all the time been inquisitive about intercourse events, however going alone felt intimidating — and I’ve additionally been sober for 2 and a half years. So when the invite arrived, it felt like destiny.
I spoke to Lola about why she began Lucid, a sequence of fully sober kinky occasions — no alcohol earlier than or throughout.
“I began Lucid for a wide range of causes, however an important for me was that, as a lot as I really like the kink scene, there was no area catered to sober folks,” she defined. “I needed to create an area the place consent and connection are the precedence, the place folks don’t have to fret about getting triggered by drunk or excessive attendees, and the place kink and intercourse will be explored with out substances.”
Chatting with fellow attendees, I discovered many had been sober, sober-curious, or just needed to play with out waking as much as a hangover. Some go to sober raves, others attend non-sober intercourse events, however all of them favor Lucid as a result of it feels extra genuine.
“I actually love the environment of a sober get together,” Lola continued. “Everyone seems to be pleasant, you’re participating in kink or play with intention, there’s no hangover or anxiousness about what you probably did the evening earlier than, and it simply feels safer.”
I haven’t been to a substance-fuelled intercourse get together, however I do fear about consent in these settings. Alcohol or medicine can blur boundaries, and with out everybody being absolutely current and clear, issues can get sophisticated quick. That’s a part of what makes sober areas like Lucid so interesting — they create an surroundings the place consent is evident, intentional, and revered.
How does it…work?
Earlier than the occasion even kicked off, a bunch chat had been created the place attendees may introduce themselves. Some had already met at social occasions designed for this function, however for the primary few hours, the chat was surprisingly mundane. Folks debated the substances of hummus because of a possible sesame allergy. Ultimately, the NSFW media and introductions rolled in. Privateness is paramount, however let’s simply say my Google search historical past bought very vibrant, in a short time, as I discovered lots of new phrases and kinks.
That hummus debate made sense as soon as I arrived, because the get together had a kitchen space. I imply, in case you’re going to be getting it on with strangers for hours, snacks are important. For the primary hour, everybody hung on the market to socialize; no play but. I wandered over to a bunch of strangers and was instantly welcomed. They shortly realised I used to be a novice on the planet of intercourse events and answered all my questions, and all through the evening, a couple of stored a watch on me to ensure I used to be feeling okay.
